Tomorrow is my last day of classes for the year. It seems that maybe I’ve managed to come out on the other side of my first year of library school with my sanity, dignity, and GPA more or less intact. Now, five months of time with Isabel stretches before me before I begin my second and final year of the program.
It is my hope that in this five months, I can revive this space a little, inject some more life into this blog, and rediscover the pleasure of writing in doing so. But, I’m a little lost on how to do it.
I hesitate to embrace the world of mommy blogging. I struggle with the line between sharing my story and myself with the world while respecting Isabel’s story. How much of her life is mine to share? Right now, it’s so hard to tell. Just 9 months ago, she was me and I was her. Now that she is on the outside of me, that is changing so rapidly and every day she settles more into herself and who she is becoming. So, where do I draw the line between our stories? It’s a struggle that has kept me away from any serious blogging for the past 6 months.
And I want to come back; I really do. But when my days are spent with this adorable giggly kid and all the struggles that go along with first-time motherhood, what do I have left to write about? I don’t care enough about having a well-curated home to find myself back in the home blogger circuit in any real capacity. It’s a good day if I manage to get a chicken breast or two in the oven for dinner, so really, food blogging is out. I do hope to read plenty over the summer, and keep up knitting as much as I can, but will writing about those things satisfy the itch to string words together in a beautiful way?
Perhaps I need to stop over-thinking it all. Perhaps I need to set aside my worry and fear and just say all the things I want to say. Perhaps I need a reminder that this space is a space for me and my words and all that goes along with them.
I’m not sure yet. I’m still figuring it all out.